Risky Business

So I have two weeks until my oncology appointment and starting any kind of chemo treatment and so, as I'm pretty much symptom free at the moment*, I was considering four or five days away soaking up some rays and getting a bit of heat into the bones. Now at this time of year there's pretty much only one place for that and that's Dubai. Only 7 hours travel, not too expensive, guaranteed sunshine and the local muslims aren't so rabid that you can't get a beer or two when you're thirsty.

So off I go to lastbargaincheapholidaysfordragons.com and there's a couple of decent deals to be had. Click, click, click I go until it gets to the "Add travel insurance" bit - well it's over a grand if I cancel and my E111** card won't work over there so I guess I better had.

Bzzzzt. Computer says no. You don't even need to have cancer, you just need to have been referred for ANY kind of scan or diagnostic test and they won't touch you. If, gods forbid, you actually have a diagnosis the underwriters just point at you and laugh. Well there are these other sites you see advertised, the ones that claim they will insure you even if you're missing a head. Well it turns out that, no, they won't. They'll cover you for a hulking great premium but only after you've been treated, not before.

I did discover one place, probably called www.deadmanwalking.com or something, that would take me on risk but only after filling in reams of paperwork, providing a letter from my oncologist***, getting special dispensation from the Dalai Lama that in my next incarnation I'll be reincarnated as at least a mammal plus, of course, a vast sum of money.

So I decided sod it. I've stocked up on coal, lit the fire and brought the sun-lamp down from the loft.

Someone bring me a Heineken.




* apart from the fascinating new experience of my right pelvis wanting to leap from my body every time I cough. That's a fun one.

** that's the thing that entitles you to free emergency treatment in the EU if you're a UK citizen

*** who I can just about get an appointment with let alone prise any documents from