None of my clothes fit

One of the first clues something was amiss at the back end of last year was the diet that never stopped. Me and the mrs had put on a few pounds over the summer so we decided to have a couple of months of watching what we eat and we duly started to shed the weight and got back to where we wanted to be. However my weight kept falling, and falling...

I'm looking at my weight records and on the 13th of September when I stopped dieting I was 84kg; as of last week I was down to 72kg*.  My cancer is hungry and keeps nicking my food, the little bastard.

Anyway one of the side effects is that none of my clothes fit. It's not just the waistline either which has dropped from a 36/38 to a 32 but it's the everything above the waist as well; t-shirts that were comfortably baggy now feel like you're wearing a tent, jackets don't close in the middle and to work would have to have internal fastenings where your nipples are. I put on some summer trousers the other week, took two steps and they fell down by ankles - which maybe a good look if you're a gangster rapper but you look a twerp if you're a late 40's white computer programmer.  Likewise I put one of my favourite jackets on and Mrs D said "you look just like a kid who's trying on his dad's clothes"; she was right, it actually made me look unwell and I may as well have had a big neon sign pointing at me saying "Cancer Weight Loss Dude"

So I went shopping. I don't like shopping, I like clothes shopping even less.

Mind you with a way smaller frame I found all those fashionable clothes they didn't make in lard-arse dragon sizes will now fit so we had a go at 32 waist skinny fit jeans and blue and white stripy french onion-seller shirts... no Dragon, you looked like a prat when you tried those in your 20's and you still look like a prat in them now.

I went with what I usually go for, outdoorsy active hiking up mountains with a touch of Our Man in Havana travel wear for the more formal side. Mountain Warehouse and Rohan absolutely love me**.

Of course this all costs money, they don't tell you how much this cancer lark costs when you get it but it's a not inconsiderable amount of baubles from this dragon's hoard but at least I have a hoard. I hate to think how others must struggle with these unexpected costs when Mr C comes knocking at the door.

I'm doing a bit of offsetting by flogging my old stuff on eBay. Anyone want to buy a hardly worn dinner jacket? I'm throwing in a free cummerbund.




*That's 13st 3lb to 11st 4lb in old money

**Actually they love my credit card; to them I'm just the means to move it from my wallet to their tills.